Friday, October 23, 2009

Today's Gripe

Hafa Adai Junior Yappers!

Time for me to get the wheels churning again and nothing beats a Daily Gripe from the Daily Yapper. Today's gripe: Anonymous Bloggers.

There's nothing I hate more than an anonymous blogger. Man those cowardly little fuckers really piss me off. Every time their fingers molest innocent qwerty keyboards across the globe I feel a little bit worse. Yes they're writing but it's like having our environmental movement being pushed ahead by Patrick Calvo's green thumb. Ewwwww!

Not sure how he's going to enjoy being the belle at the ball sac, but I imagine he's not going to ask for seconds in the knees-first chow line. Picture an inmate in his jumpsuit playing the role of Maitre d' in their shared prison cell. "Calvo, party of one."

No tables or chairs required, sir. Same for utensils, save for this fleshy straw.

Speaking of sucking, did anyone hear Greg Cruz sucking off Kumoi "I Don't have a chance to win the election this November" Guerrero during the Saipan Chamber of Commerce debate? I thought I was watching Brokeback Mountain! Taotao TwoOfUs was deeper into Kumoi's ass than Tony Benavente is into Mayor Juan Tudela.

And while we're on the subject of assy mayors, I wonder who will win the nod for the biggest nothing job. I see a pile of people running for a job which traditionally serves the public as a water and gravel provider.

WTF?

Oh wait, as Mayor of Saipan you are also required to show up to any and every local function, get drunk and claim credit for what was done. Yep, I see a lot of worthless candidates who are more than qualified for that one.

There might be one candidate who could possibly do something positive for Saipan that doesn't involve the construction of picnic tables, but I think he's too qualified. We're talking about someone who could land a real job that demands results.

...and I'm not speaking about Candi Taman. Jesus Kristo Rai, is that guy hilarious! He's the first person turned down for employment at McDonald's because he was unqualified to flip burgers.

Unqualified? Want to talk about unqualified? How about the Destructive Driver of Dan Dan who is still "qualified" to have a license despite the fact that she drove over a kid while speeding through the village? Ana Teregeyo is sporting a brace on her arm because she can no longer shoulder the guilt of being a child murderer.

Or not.

Runaway Ana might get a few votes from the Covenant Party this year, but anyone who thinks that our leaders should be examples of how to do things should never, ever, ever vote for this irresponsible lady.

Killer!

Speaking of killer, Saipan experienced some killer waves when Typhoon Melor blew through and a lot of loony haoles took to the lagoon in search of surf. I think almost all of them made it back, but shouldn't DPS be more than a little upset with this?

Seriously, DPS has an inflatable boat and a few life jackets. Too bad none of our local cops can swim. So who fishes the surfer boys out of the water when the tide is high? The ghost of Jim Bell?(RIP Jim. Hope you found what you were looking for out in the big blue.)