Friday, November 21, 2008

New Clothing Line

Just to gain a distraction from the tragic week we've had in the CNMI, I've decided to open up a new business selling clothing items to the people of the Marianas. For years, I've been sitting on this business plan but I was never motivated enough to do anything about it.

After taking some time to reflect on life's lack of a guarantee, I decided that there's no time like the present because you never know if you're going to have a future. Just ask around Saipan and you'll know exactly what I mean.

For starters, I was thinking about a new line of celebrity t-shirts. Because time and money was in short supply, I was only able to get one of the prototypes out to Joeten this afternoon. Just my luck, there was a Russian tour group who literally swept in from the buses and bought all of them not less than 10 minutes after I put them on the rack.

I'm positive that none of them spoke English so the clever mode of phrasing I employed surely didn't win them over. I thought back to last month when I caught a glimpse of the Russian supermodels who dropped by to Saipan.

That's when it hit me that the Russians are into beautiful people. I knew that there was a chance that I could make a few sales come election time if I started using local politicians as the subject of my work, but I thought the bulk of my sales would come from the local buying public.

Not so. If my little experiment in the apparel biz has taught me anything it's that sex sells. Apparently, it's true when it comes to the Russians. As the air inside Joeten began to fill with the sound of rattling plastic hangars and cash registers, I was so excited that I snapped a photo of the last one that passed though the register. What do you think?

The Misguided Murderers

So you thought one photo was bad enough? Thanks to one of The Yapper's anonymous readers, I was able to get photos of all of the killers. Thanks a ton for putting a face to the CNMI's filth.

For that, I would gladly make you a Junior Yapper.

Looking at them I almost want to reach back in time and tell them that their whole lives are ahead of them and that they don't have to commit this crime.

Maybe they missed a few meals. Maybe they were abused. Maybe they just missed a few hugs.

They'll get plenty of hugs in jail, but it won't be the ones that they'd enjoy. Most of them will probably be from behind.

Young kids who had their whole lives in front of them took their last breath of freedom on the same night they took Efren Ballesteros' last breath.

The Face Of A Murderer

Look at this worthless piece of trash. It's Edward Blas, the kid who murdered Efren Ballesteros this week. This is his MySpace profile picture. His parents must be proud of him. Well, that is if they're even around.

Thanks to the reader who sent over the link. Check it out for yourself.

Add 3 Fucks to The Sick List

Eric Rabauliman (18), Randy Igisomar (16) and Edward Blas (16), you kids are fucking animals. You are a disgrace to the islands and to humanity in general. My your lives in prison be wrought with the same pain and suffering that you doled out to the innocent security guard, Efren Ballesteros.

You three are utterly disgusting. Your souls are dark.

And it's not just you.

Your parents should be ashamed that they spawned filth such as yourselves. Then they should be castigated for failing to raise you. Your homes must be as bad as you and there's no excuse for the lack of parenting.

Congratulations for making The Sick List and giving up any chance at living a normal lives. Also you can forget about getting laid...with a girl anyway. Life in prison should offer the three of you plenty of anal satisfaction, if you like that sort of thing.

For your sake, I hope you do because it's all you're ever going to get.

Why am I so angry?

Follow this link or read below. I recommend following the link so you can read some of the comments from the local community.

No bail for murder suspects

THREE teenagers beat to death with a PVC pipe, an iron rebar and a 2x2 wood a 45-year-old security guard assigned to the Marianas High School so they could steal laptops.

All will be charged with murder, including the two juveniles who will be tried as adults.

No bail was set for Eric Rabauliman, 18; Randy Igisomar, 16; and Edward Blas, 16, who separately appeared in Superior Court for a bail hearing.

Rabauliman and Igisomar appeared on Wednesday before Presiding Judge Robert Naraja for their bail hearing, while Blas appeared before Judge David Wiseman yesterday afternoon.

The three will return to court on Nov. 26 for their preliminary hearing and they will be arraigned on Dec. 1.

Chief Prosecutor Kevin Lynch said they have strong evidence against the teenagers.

“Under commonwealth law, a person who is 16 years of age or older, charged with murder, or rape or traffic offenses, shall be tried as an adult,” Lynch said.

The three will also face burglary, robbery and theft charges in relation to the Nov. 17 burglary that led to the death of Efren Ballesteros.

The two juveniles were remanded to the custody of the Juvenile Detention facility. Rabauliman was turned over to the Department of Corrections.

This is not the first time that CNMI prosecutors will try juveniles as adults.

In the 1990s, then 17-year-old Shawn Appleby was sentenced to 40 years in prison for the death of a businessman whom he shot in the head while he and his conspirators were looting the victim’s store.

Blas has been charged with theft, curfew violation and burglary in three other cases.

The motive

Detective Simon Manacop, in his affidavit, said Rabauliman and the two other suspects hatched a plan on Monday night to steal laptops fom MHS.

The three walked all the way from Chalan Kanoa to MHS unarmed. When they reached the campus, Igisomar suggested they obtain weapons first.

Igisomar picked a 2x2 wood. Rabauliman got a .5-inch PVC pipe and Blas took a rebar.

According to the affidavit, the three noticed Ballesteros who was resting on a concrete bench by the hallway in between MHS buildings A&B.

They decided to knock him down first before proceeding to the two classrooms where they took 12 laptops, the affidavit stated.

Manacop said the suspects told him they took turns in attacking Ballesteros.

“Igisomar said he swung the wood first at the security guard not knowing if he hit the shoulder or the head…. Rabauliman and Blas began hitting the guard with what they were carrying,” the detective said.

“After taking several laptops from inside rooms #B201/202, all three of them proceeded to the JROTC building where Blas informed them that there was money inside because they were selling fundraising tickets…. After taking the items, they went out and walked back to check on the security guard whom they saw was still laying down on the bench. Then they went out of the campus, the same way they went in,” the affidavit stated.

Ballesteros’ body was discovered around 6 a.m. on Tuesday by a maintenance worker.

“A skull fracture was visible to the right side of the head partially exposing the brain,” Manacop said.

Police who responded to the scene recovered the shattered pieces of the PVC pipe and 2x2 wood at the crime scene.

After taking the laptops, the three teenagers proceeded back to Chalan Kanoa.

POII Jason Tarkong, the acting public information officer of the Department of Public Safety, said Police Officer Mike Palacios who was patrolling the Chalan Kanoa neighborhood spotted the three at a laundry shop.

Inside the plastic bag that one of them was carrying were some laptops and a blue-shirt with blood stains, Tarkong said.

The arrest of the suspects was also made possible by an anonymous tipster to the Crime Stoppers, he added.

DPS is commending all the officers involved in the speedy resolution of this homicide case, Tarkong said.

He added, “I would like to recognize the hard work of Detective Simon Manacop, the lead case agent, Sgt. Sylvan Rangamar the officer in charge of [the Criminal Investigation Bureau], and their investigators for an outstanding job. In addition, I would like to mention good police work by Patrol Officer Mike Palacios for recovering the stolen items, and the Crime Stoppers tip that help lead to the arrest of the suspects.”

Thursday, November 20, 2008

To The Congresswoman From Guam

Dear Madeleine Z. Bordallo,
guam, guam sucks, congress
You're a worthless cunt whose claim to fame was your husband. One day, the world will run out of silly putty and you won't be able to fill the potholes of your face. When that happens, the misguided Guamanian fucks who vote for you will start to see who you really are.
cnmi, gregorio kilili sablan, saipan
Then they're going to call Prince Charming and inform him that they found the wrinkled up old hag that gave Sleeping Beauty the poisoned apple. Then look out, sister!
marianas trench marine monument
fishing, pacific, wespac, john gourley
The Yapper
we love saipan, the daily yapper, marianas visitors authority
Really Madeleine Z, you are a worthless sack of old bones that sponged your way to prominence long ago and has managed to hang on to your position as long as you've been able to hang on to that shaggy sloth pelt you wear on your head.
best blog on saipan, tinian, rota, cnmi
You're put together like an old Mrs. Potato Head and the parts are going to start falling off soon. It's just a matter of time before that nose jumps ship. Your opposition to the proposed Marianas Trench Marine Monument is as misguided as the worthless lot who follows you around with a vacuum as you shed your gray pubes.
cnmi, commonwealth of the northern mariana islands
Please stay away from our Delegate to the US Congress! Your bitter soul will never find warmth in Guam, so please don't suck the life out of our guy to satisfy your vampiric thirst for fresh meat.
united states of america, willie tan, jack abrahmoff
To say that you're a power hungry dirty old whore would be an insult to power hungry dirty old whores. You, my dear, are a filthy bandwagoneer whose professional life has been advanced along via the misinformation superhighway and your crusty old diseased cavern you refer to as your vagina.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Slow go today

I guess nobody blogs on their days off. Just goes to show that just about our entire blogging readership is peeping in on our pages during their working hours. Tsk, tsk, tsk. That goes for you elected types up on the hill as well as the poor slobs scrubbing toilets.

And this guy...

It will be interesting to see who wins the election and what kind of turnout we get for our first ever CNMI delegate to the U.S. Congress. An even bigger question is how the election will be run now that Kilili won't be overseeing his previously well-oiled machine.

Monday, November 3, 2008

On Tomorrow's Vote...

My blogging mentor and moral compass, Lil Hammerhead, recently expressed her desire for the CNMI's voters to come out with pride for tomorrow's election that will name out delegate to the U.S. Congress.

I want everyone to come out and cast their ballot, too! But I want to first offer a few words to the voting public.

If you're planning on voting for Chong Man Won, stay home. Really, it's not worth leaving your house and wasting your gas and vote on a guy who won't win the election anyway. This guy has a few numbers to rattle off if you ask him about his plans, but it's the same old stuff you hear at all of his rallies. I don't doubt that his heart is in it, I just don't think that he has what it takes to go from an errand boy to CEO overnight.

If you're planning on voting for Juan Lizama, you might as well go to J's Restaurant on Middle Road and enjoy the smoke-filled air. The smoke should mix well with your clouded judgment and maybe you won't bother getting out of your chair and save us all a little headache from what this pompous ass would do to our reputation. I like his professional background, I just don't like his personal background. He's a jerk, and I'm only being kind here because g00$e said that I've matured as a writer.

If you're planning on voting for this guy, then please vote for me to be the special assistant to the Secretary of the Department of Community and Cultural Affairs because we'll need to give him a steady diet of what it is to be local. All SPAM aside, I don't think we need him representing us because he might actually do a good job and make the people in congress think that we've got our shit together over here. Nope, we need someone else who is fucked up to win the seat.

If you're happy with the way things have gone for us in the past then this is the guy you need to vote for. Sure we pay a little more every time he flies because the airlines won't let people his height fly by themselves, but he seems to know his way around the killer D.C. loop! I hope that whomever wins this election knows what they're doing. While I'm not with Pete A. on plenty of things, at least he won't need to find his way around the beltway. He might be the right guy to get us up and running but he's not the long term guy for us.

If you're voting for Senator Crisostimo, I really am not worried about you making it to the polls anyway. Sure, he most likely paid you off by giving you money for your CUC, but my guess is that you never paid CUC because you blew all of the cash in one of his poker parlors. If by some chance they can pry your ass out of the seat before the polls close and bring you to the ballot box, please choose someone other than the silver-tongued menace. He's not going to help you and you already know that. He's the kind of guy who will invite you over for a beer but won't let you inside of his house because you're not important enough.

If you're planning on voting for Felipe Atalig you really need to be checked out. Seriously, the only thing on this guy's campaign platform is himself with a microphone. Nearby is a television screen giving him all the words to the song. He actually had a chance at winning until he opened his mouth. I didn't realize you could sound that dumb, but you actually can.

If you're planning on voting for Juan Gonzales, I understand. You're wrong, but I understand. You must have missed the debate. I actually wanted the bright-eyed youngster to get a taste of dealing with the Americans...until I heard him at the debate. That's when I switched from calling him "Bolis" to "Ballless." Every time I heard him reply to John Anderson's question with one of his own I wanted to slap the mwarmwar off of his head. Oops, but he wasn't even wearing it that night. Sorry John, but "The question is..." who the fuck coached you before that debate?

If you're planning on voting for David Cing you need to lock yourself in one of Marpi's bomb shelters and not come out for a very long time. Why? Because a vote for David Cing is like verifying to congress that we are a bunch of idiots. I've heard him speak at a rally on Tinian and Cing couldn't articulate his leg into his pants without the help of a highly trained team of assistants. He's about as valuable as the lint in my navel. Seriously Democratic Party, you should be ashamed of yourself.

If you're planning on voting for Kilili, I feel you dawg, I feel you. I just think you're making a mistake if you're voting for him on purpose. Greg is a nice guy and has said a number of nice things during his campaign. While he did an admirable job running the CNMI's elections, I just don't want him to win this one because he's not the guy for the job. That said, if I tripped on my way to the voting booth and accidentally cast my ballot for him I'd feel fine about it.

While we're on the topic of voting, I was honored by The Saipan Blogger when he added me to a poll of anonymous local bloggers. I really don't care if I win because I'm years behind Lil Hammerhead and the founders of the Anonymous Blogger Foundation, Saipan Middle Road.

They're truly deserving of the title and I expect to place in third out of the three. Given the crowd of others who weren't even considered in the poll, it's cool that I'm part of the three.

New Movie Theater On Saipan

The Yapper was in high spirits when Hollywood Theater reopened after its month-long blackout, but there are still a couple of days in the week when the movie going public is without a home as the local movie house goes dark on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
the daily yapper, stanley torres, cnmi, saipan, tinian, rota, we love saipan, saipan daily yapper
That all changed yesterday when the newest motion picture sensation to hit the Northern Mariana Islands launched with much fanfare. The price of admission is ridiculously lower than that of its San Jose counterpart, but both buildings are equally air conditioned to the point of arctic comfort.
hollywood theater, blockbuster video, i robot, movies, chamorro, carolinian, yap, yapese
Since Blockbuster block-busted down the doors of the closest ship to get outta here, the only places left to catch a flick is at the new cinema on Capital Hill. I was lucky enough to catch the first showing at the newly named "LegiPlex Showcase" and I was not at all disappointed.
best blog on saipan, cnmi, guam, managaha
Since I am a fan of choice, I was a little saddened to know that there was only one movie being played. I wasn't able to find any reviews from the U.S. film critics, but I think there are enough of local movie buffs to provide the inside scoop from on high.
scuba diving, saipan tribune, marianas variety, kspn
The only movie playing on Capital Hill is a couple of years old but believe it or not, it features some local talent! I was as surprised as everyone else in the packed house when the opening credits began to roll across the silver screen and I'm not ashamed to say I even applauded before the show got underway. mustbethehumidity, lil hammerhead
Forgive me. I'm purposely being a little vague about the movie title, the storyline and the local talent because I don't want to give away any of the plot points. Don't worry if you weren't able to catch the show at the "LegiPlex Showcase" because the staff will be running the same thing over and over until we're sick of seeing the same thing again and again.

April Fools in November?

I know that Chamorro Standard Time completely ignores the rest of the world and it's foolish concept of Daylight Savings Time (that's so Mavericky"), but I didn't realize that the CNMI could randomly place dates throughout the calendar.
saipn, cnmi, tinian, rota, we love saipan
When I woke up this morning to listen to a skinny bald guy on the radio replace the husky bald guy who is usually on the radio, I powered up Y.A.P. 3000 to get a good look at the online edition of our daily news.
benigno fitial, saipan, chamorro, chamorru
The date on the front page was clearly Monday, November 3rd, but the Marianas Variety staff clearly played an April Fool's Day trick on the commonwealth when it reported that Governor Benigno Fitial has received re-election support from people whose names do not include the names Benigno and/or Fitial.
marianas variety, saipan tribune, kspn 2
Read below:

GOVERNOR Benigno R. Fitial on Friday said some members of the Republican and Democratic parties are pledging their support for his re-election bid. Fitial said these Democrats and Republicans told him that they “regretted” not supporting him in the last elections.

According to the governor, some of these individuals were identified with former Republican Gov. Juan N. Babauta. Two top leaders of Democratic Party have also expressed their intention to be his running mate next year, Fitial said.

Some people from both parties, he added, have probably realized that he is working hard to improve the CNMI’s very critical economic conditions. “I’ve been working very hard ever since I became governor,” he said. “I work everyday. I have a lot of things on the table and I’m focused on trying to manage the government despite its very limited resources,” Fitial said.

There are other disgruntled Republicans and Democrats who are approaching the ruling Covenant Party, he said. “They want to align with me and my party,” he added.

The governor said his campaign committee was organized as early as four months ago and has been conducting regular meetings since then. The selection of a new running mate for Fitial is one of the primary tasks of the committee. Lt. Gov. Timothy P. Villagomez has returned to the Republican Party and will not run with Fitial next year.

That last line was the best. It was written as if it would hurt Fitial but I actually think that's the only thing that our current governor has going for him. Whenever anyone accuses him of doing a bad job, he can always say, "Well, at least Tim won't be running with me next time!"
saipan daily yapper, the yapper, yap, yappese, carolinians
I couldn't stop laughing when I read this story because it had to be a joke. Just to make sure, I called the Marianas Variety this morning to applaud them on their use of humor and satire. This was the funniest thing that the Variety put out since their joke about the "Green Pages" and "Yellow Journalism."
guam, northern marianas islands, oceania
Bravo, Marianas Variety.


Some very concerned Junior Yappers have informed me that their research revealed that this story was indeed real and not the joke I perceived it to be. In light of this new information, I was compelled to write a little more on the subject of Benigno Fitial's re-election campaign.

First some advice to the good governor:


What, are you fucking crazy? Jesus H. Christ, you're a fucking moron if you think that you actually have a chance at sitting in the same chair following the next election. People came to you for a change, but not the kind of change that you brought about.


Governor Fitial won't get enough votes to win even if he were to stations Ray Mafnas, the washed-up thug, at every polling place with his sleeves rolled up while wearing a tight fitting shirt that exposed his once tough chest that has since deteriorated into a set of sagging man-titties.


That group of people around you shouting is not your clan of fans, it's a lynch mob. You seriously need to wheel your feeble ass outta there as soon as possible and turn off their power for such insolence.


If you really think that you're going to have all of those supporters by your side in 2009, I suggest that you write them down and publicize them. They would likely come out and support in public if they really exist and then maybe people would actually believe you.


Sorry BF (stands for Benigno Fitial, but could also stand for butt fucker [not that there's anything wrong with that] or buddy fucker), but if you really had the kind of support you're talking about it wouldn't be you who was talking about it.

As far as I see it, your re-election campaign is like an ARMY of one. A broken down lying ARMY of one.

You might have had a chance at the Washington Delegate position because there's nine worthless candidates and your addition to the ballot would have given anyone with a dozen friends a legitimate shot of making us all look like an island community of dumb asses.

My thoughts on the candidates next.