Friday, June 27, 2008

Hang Handgun Harry!

I couldn't believe my ears this morning! As per my usual morning routine, I rose from the Yap Chamber to the sounds of Island Issues with Harry Blalock and Lewie Tenorio. As always, Friday is a special day for a special guy as "Uncle" Dave Sablan took to the airwaves with his usual "unique" style.

The show opened with them talking to ancient swimmer, Jim Bell, the 70-year-old swimmer who stroked his way from Tinian unescorted until he reached Saipan some four and a half hours later. Bell said that he plans to swim a lap around Saipan during the month of July, albeit by taking small bites out of the nearly 80-mile journey a day at a time.

That took the Yapper into the mid-show break thinking that there would be more from the Old Man of the Sea, but I was shocked to hear host Harry exalt the virtues of handgun ownership as well as the CNMI's need to change it's laws to mirror the United States of America.


According to the story on, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled Thursday that a sweeping ban on handguns in the nation's capital violated the Second Amendment right to bear arms.


Pretty much everyone in the U.S. of A. is allowed to own a handgun unless they're a convicted fellon. This all because the justices "struck down the ban in a 5-4 decision, with Justice Antonin Scalia writing the opinion for the majority."

While the Mayor of Washington D.C. and Chicago have come out in opposition immediately, our local talk show host came out quite the opposite. Scary Harry said that the CNMI should immediately change its laws to reflect the new decision from the Supreme Court because the U.S. rule of law supersedes those of the CNMI.

On top of that, Harry said that the CNMI would be a safer place were handguns permitted., explaining further that, "Maybe criminals would have to think twice about whether or not to rob somebody because they might shoot them."

Good point. It's also a good idea to have everyone have a mini-nuke in every Taiwanese refrigerator just in case the Chinese think about attacking us. Maybe then they'd think twice about moving in.

WTF? Are you fucking kidding me, Harry? Obviously you're smoking some kind of bad crack. Don't you think that our local bad guys would employ the use of firearms in the commission of their crimes? And no, I'm not talking about Stanley. I think he's packing heat under his beard anyway.

Seriously Harry, don't you see a Saipan becoming a more dangerous place with firearms? I'm not talking about a .22 rifle or a shotgun (currently legal in the CNMI). Look at the way sentences are handed down to people today. Tell me what 30 days in jail, all suspended except for three days served, will do to ensure the public safety when the first guy who robs one of Luis Crisostimo's a poker parlors?

Think about what will happen in Japan and Korea when the the first stick-up happens in Marpi or on the beach pathway? Think beaches will be enough to lure tourists then? You're fucking high.

Why not use the World's Smallest Handgun (seen above) to blow away your World's Smallest Brain? That would be a good start at making the CNMI a safer place to live. The next step will be putting Dave Sablan out to pasture.