Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Name Changes Continue For CUC

SAIPAN--While the islands of Saipan, Tinian and Rota suffer through governmental rhetoric instead of the quality, reliable buzz of voltage in the power lines, the disembodied heads that run the chicken coop are making changes at the top.

Recently, the local fish wrap reported that the Commonwealth Utilities Corporation swapped out Tony Guerrero for Tony Muna. While literature buffs refer to the changeover as "The Tale of Two Tonies," bill payers with an affinity for 80's hip-hop seem to approve of the switch because of its alarming similarity to has-been Tony! Toni! Toné!

While Muna has served less than a week in office, he's already making progress with the local utility by cutting through the bureaucratic process by telling people exactly what is happening at the power plants.

After briefing the public about the sorry state of the generators and the CNMI's inability to pay for the upcoming fuel shipments from the floating international petroleum charity, Mobil, Muna announced that he is renaming the CUC to better reflect the services provided to the citizenry.

In a memo dated 7 May 2008, Muna anounced that the Commonwealth Utilities Corporation shall be referred to as “Chamorros Using Candles.” The governor praised Muna's creativity and said that the utility's head saved the Commonwealth untold thousands of dollars by maintaining the same acronym.

"I like this guy. He's a snappy dresser and subscribes to my exercise routine. What a guy, what a guy," Fitial said. "If he continues with this pace, the CNMI should be back on its feet in no time. Biba Muna!"

In a related story, the governor changed the CNMI flag with that of the Shell Oil. When asked why he made the change, Fitial said, "Well, if Tony changed the CUC's name to reflect its current state, I thought it only fitting to represent the CNMI's flag with a banner that more accurately depicts our economy as a "Shell" of its former self."