Monday, May 12, 2008

CNMI Taken Over By Old People!

Run for your lives! Godzilla-sized fogies are taking over the government! Aaaaaaaaahhh!

Alright, alright...

So today's headline in the Marianas Variety is "Manamko’ ‘take over’ NMI gov’t." Here's the lead from Moneth G. Deposa's little piece:

FORTY-SIX of the islands’ senior citizens took over the reins of the CNMI government on Friday as part of the annual Older Americans Month activities.

Juana S. Dela Cruz, 73, served as the “governor” an experience she described as “very interesting and a chance of a lifetime.”

Wait, I don't understand. Aren't the manamko' already running the government? True enough, our governor is a strapping young lad at the age of 62 years old, but he's spent more time in the hospital than many of the CHC's doctors.

How about Howard Willens? Isn't he one of Fitial's great uncles? I've got it on good authority that he's got a liver spot for each of the CNMI's poker parlors.

My favorite part of the story is how the old folks accomplished exactly what their counterparts do on a day-to-day basis. Look at this hardworking woman of advanced years. She's doing the same job as the current press secretary, and she's twice as old!

Sure I think this is a cute story, but it's anything but major news. The Marianas Variety staff came up with two stories on "old folks" day, but they weren't the only ones mailing it in.

Check out this bit of news from the Saipan Tribune. Sure the reporter got the story right, but why is this considered news? Check it out:

Tinian Republican Party president Ramon M. Dela Cruz has congratulated Resident Representative Pete A. Tenorio for the passage of the federalization bill on Friday, May 9, and suggested that the date be forever celebrated in the CNMI as “Delegate Day.”

Just what we need, another holiday.

We're talking about the same Ray Dela Cruz who spends most of his time around the poker tables at the Tinian Dynasty and Casino, right? Maybe Ray needs to trade in his crappy cowboy hat for a translucent visor because his "I wanna be like Pete" look just isn't working.

He does have that "I just tied a fair maiden to the railroad tracks" mustache, I he's definitely got a future in the CNMI's seedy political circles. I just don't like the idea of him designating holidays. Can you imagine celebrating "I hit it big at the slots" day? How about "Double Down" day?

Maybe the best idea is "Evil Villain Mustache" Day! I love it. It's better than that silly Talk Like A Pirate Day. All you do on pirate day is say "Arrrrrrr." Wouldn't it be much cooler to say "Muhahaha!" ? You'll even get to twist the ends of your mustache.

I'll send the memot to the Tinian Republican Party. And why does Tinian have its own Republican party? Sounds like someone wanted to make themselves feel self-important.