Welcome to The Daily Yapper!
Here on Saipan, we've got lots of stuff to yap about. Don't worry, we've got Tinian and Rota covered, too. So what are you waiting for?
That's how I describe Renee Simao's Letter to the Editor in the Saipan Tribune. Such sarcasm! Please Renee, come and write for Saipan Fake News!!!
I'm not sure what classes Renee teaches in Tinian, but I have an idea that she'd have a packed house were she to offer Sarcasm 101 at Tinian High School in the fall.
Bravo, Renee!
If you haven't followed the link to read it yet, I took the liberty of copying and pasting the letter to my blog.
Apology to five Tinian parents
After learning of the situation at Tinian High School it appears I owe five of the parents whose children’s diplomas were in jeopardy an apology. I had your students in my class as well. When they failed in November due to not handing in assignments and not passing tests I expected you to come for a conference to discuss how we could help them meet the requirements of my class.
When you did not do so, I criticized you publicly for parental apathy. And when I scheduled student support meetings with Ms. Hofschneider and you did not attend I criticized you again.
And finally in January when they failed my class, again I criticized you. You see, I thought that Tinian parents supported Ms. Hofschneider’s goal to make Tinian High School one of high academic standards that were strictly enforced so our graduates could migrate to the mainland and compete on a level playing field with the graduates of the blue ribbon schools that feed Harvard, Yale, Columbia, West Point, Duke, Annapolis, the Coast Guard Academy, the Air Force Academy, Stanford, USC and other universities of high repute rather than having to go to community colleges.
It now appears that what Tinian parents desire is for their children to receive a diploma for a four-year attendance only. The children did meet that requirement. So I apologize for my criticisms.
I've got lots to yap about these days after finding a new source of energy. I won't bore you with the losses of my personal life or explain away my lack of posting, but I will happily relay the news of my newest yapsterpiece.
I will continue posting (oor should I say resume) here with plenty of political commentary but I've decided to branch out a bit through the creation of the Saipan Fake News.
The Daily Yapper will be the source of criticism and acclaim for our local folks in the public eye but Saipan Fake News is focused on making light of life in the funny papers. The news department at Yap Co. is always looking for writers, so send your submissions or ideas to saipandailyyapper@gmail.com.
This is a great time of year for the Marianas. We've got blue skies, green trees and golden showers. The last one might not tickle your fancy, but one Saipan native thought he'd share the HafaAdai spirit with a woman while traveling from California to Hawaii.
Somehow I don't think she enjoyed being showered with local style affection. Read below:
Man urinated on woman during flight
HONOLULU, April 16 (UPI) -- A federal judge in Hawaii sentenced a man who pleaded guilty to urinating on a fellow airline passenger to 21 days imprisonment.
Jerome Kenneth Kingzio, 28, of Saipan, Northern Marina Islands, pleaded guilty to assault after urinating on a 66-year-old woman during a March 21 flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu, the Honolulu Advertiser reported Thursday.
U.S. Attorney Ed Kubo said the victim had been watching the in-flight movie when Kingzio stood next to her and began urinating.
I guess everyone isn't into getting pissed on a few miles up in the air. What are the odds? For those of you who don't mind a little yellow squirt coming your way, check this out!
Congratulations to Jerome Kenneth Kingzio for making the Yapper's newly revived Sick List. He's in good (or bad) company, and you can check it out for yourself by scrolling down the left side of the page.
Jerome Kenneth Kingzio, you're going to be remembered forever!
...is the reason why the NMI Retirement Fund won't be around in two years. He is also the reason why the NMI purchased La Fiesta and spent $250,000 to enter a float in the 2005 Parade of Roses in Pasadena, California.
Juan "Bang 'Em All Babauta" screwed the CUC and the citizens of the Commonwealth through his failure to allot a dime of his excessively wasteful spending on the deteriorating power plants.
Does the phrase, "Pretty darn good" ring a bell?
Now, the worst governor in the history of the Northern Mariana Islands and fairly good runner, Juan NekaiBabauta is gearing up for the Republican Primary here on Saipan.
The first word that came to mind: Why?
The second word that came to mind: No!
The third, fourth and fifth words: Oh, haaaaaay-ell no!
If he actually wins the election, I surmise the sixth word will be: Vomit
or
Run
or
Corruption
or
Anal Rape
Okay, that's two words but I haven't heard anything about the Patrick Calvo case in a while and I got to thinking about what happened to the guy whose green thumb got caught in the underage cookie jar.
Back to my planet:
I set the dial in the Way Back Machine to September 29th, 2008 so I could pick up a copy of the Marianas Variety because there was a very telling Letter to the Editor that Monday that was written by our local Nostradamus.
In his recent rant to Senor Dandan, Philip Leyland of Navy Hill wrote about a school principal he referred to as "Mr. 77" because his first and last name started with the seventh letter of the alphabet.
Leyland was up in arms about Mr. 77's soapbox soliloquy that bad-mouthed the Fitial administration's lack of anything good when it came to the CUC crisis (remember how bad it was way back then?).
While Leyland shared Mr. 77's gripes, he didn't share his appreciation for the dreadful mistake known to many as the 2001-2005 Babauta-Benavente administration (those guys sucked big hairy hilitai balls).
The seventh letter of the alphabet is G, and GG has to stand for Galvin Guerrero, for all of you just tuning in. I'm not saying he's gay, but the Chamorro Anton Chekov is into plays, musicals, has a plump wife and spends way too much time manicuring his beard.
It's rumored that he also has a Backstreet Boys CD somewhere in his car. Could it be in the back seat? Next to the back door? If he were to lift the handle and trigger the release of the locking mechanism, thus allowing for the door to swing open on its hinges, could you say that he was party to some backdoor action?
That's not my business. What happens in or behind back doors isn't what should make or break a candidate. Speaking of candidates who may often enjoy the oral pleasure of one another, let me get back to my point.
In his Letter to the Editor, Leyland labeled Mr. 77 as a strong Babauta-Benavente supporter and took it a step further by calling him a Babauta-Benavente disciple. But Leyland'scoup degrâcewas delivered via his accusation of Mr. 77 being the inspiration behind the Rose Parade float fiasco.
I wasn't expecting that one.
Here's one of my favorite parts from Leyland's letter:
Just like the Fitial administration, the Babauta-Benavente administration had the opportunity to finally do the right thing with CUC, but did not. The Babauta administration ignored the dire need for the power plant engines to be overhauled thus setting the stage for CUC’s eventual demise. And of course, the Fitial administration’s band aid solutions sped up the engines death sentence.
Hmmm, I wonder if the idiotic, biggest waste of $200,000 on the Rose Bowl parade float that was the bright idea of the Babauta-Benavente administration the reason for neglecting the engine overhaul plans? Makes me wonder.
Was there a certain Babauta-Benavente cabinet member in charge of the Rose Bowl parade idea? Could it be that Mr. 77 was the Rose Bowl brain child? So what am I really getting at? Well you see, Mr. 77 unfortunately is targeted here because I find his actions at the rally against CUC quite hypocritical.
I like you, Phil. The Yapper likes you...and accepts Food Stamp.
Leystradamus then asked Mr. 77 why he would support either Babauta or Benavente in the 2009 election. I think he received his answer with this sorry YouTube video:
They're calling their ticket "The balance of energy of youth with wisdom of experience." I wonder what kind of experience they're talking about? Flowers? Wasteful spending? Ignoring CUC? Shapely beards?
After my previous post, I don't think I can talk about beards.
*Editor's Note from the angel on my left shoulder who tells me to do the right thing: Galvin is the only good thing about this ticket. Juan Babauta is worse than shaking hands with a Golgotha, but Galvin is a good family man who doesn't deserve the nasty things I wrote about him.
*Editor's Note from the demon on my right shoulder who tells me to do the wrong thing: Fuck that angel bitch and learn to take a fucking joke, you shitfaced cockmaster!
It's time to wipe the sand from my eyes and get back into the world of hate blogging from Las Islas Pacifico. I woke up with a long gray beard, a trail of drool running down my cheek and a pound of sand in my eyes so let me take a much needed shower and we're off and running once again. mustbethehumidity, lil hammerhead, greg cruz, saipan's best blog I'm not sure if I'll shave off my newfound beard just yet because I think the woman folk will take a shine to my new look. I've already received rave reviews from the gay community. They say I look like a young Stanley Torres. last remaining smart blog on saipan, saipan tribune, marianas variety Looks like I won't have any worries finding a date to Carnival this year but I wonder if that means I should run for office this year under the Ole Coot Party. More to come soon!
The 2009 Gubenatorial Race is looking to provide the CNMI's citizens with another sizable field of candidate from which to choose. The only question out there now is whether or not any of them will be any good. saipan, cnmi, rota, tinian, fitial, convict, scam If it's anything like the 2008 Washington Delegate election, we're in for another snoozer. While we at Yap Central expect more candidates to throw their respective hats into the ring, we've presently only a few names on the ballot. corruption, jack abramhoff, poor leader While all of the names submitted are familiar, the bad thing is that all of the names are familiar. So far we've only got five candidates who can be called either washed-up, has-beens, retreads, failures or future losers. You pick which tag you wish to place on them. benigno fitial, worst governor ever, bad candidate, don't vote for him ever again Who are they? Allow me to explain them....
The incumbent certainly feels that he has a shot at re-election, but he's got one heck of an uphill climb. The Gubnah has had plenty of obstacles to overcome during his term, and that has played a large part in his abysmal popularity rankings.
The only votes he's going to receive in 2009 will be from his family and the government employees who would stand to lose their job should Fitial lose his seat. I'm not talking about the bush cutters, I'm talking about the incompetent brood that fills some important positions in and around the CNMI.
I'm looking at you Melvin Faisao. A fourth grade education isn't good enough for a cabinet position unless your position is in the kitchen cabinet, pulling out pots and pans to make a drum set. Sorry Mel, but you can't vote twice by raising each one of your hands.
I think that means that the Department of Labor will be getting some new brass as well. Cinta will be out and about while the Howard and Deanne show will be showing on reruns on Capital Hill.
Fitial failed to deliver on his promises, bankrupted our government, robbed Pedro to pay Pablo, wasted our cash by suing the feds and belittled the contract workers (well, that's par for the course for everyone so we'll let him slide on that one).
Sorry, Ben. The next time will likely be your last time. Cheer up, because you'll surely be granted a position with Tan Holdings if you aren't interested in retirement just yet. It's a good thing too because you're part of the reason why there won't be anything left in the CNMI Retirement Fund less than two years from now.
The only thing that Fitial has going for him is that current Lieutenant Governor and soon to be convict Tim Villagomez won't be running with him. Tim once had aims of becoming the governor in 2009. Now all he has to look forward to in the New Year is a wider anus courtesy of the federal penal system.
This guy was the governor who preceded our current governor and who places second behind the current governor for the worst governor of all-time. I'm not just talking about the CNMI, either.Babauta was so bad that he ran our utilities into the ground before...
Is it just me or is there a new fire cadet who expressed her dislike for the Fitial administration when she legally changed her last name? You can read the story for yourself in today's Saipan Tribune, but I've cut out the only part you really need to read below:
Christine S. Funkugub, the lone female in the cycle, became the fourth female firefighter in the CNMI. Except for one who is already retired, all female firefighters are on active duty on Saipan.
It just has to be a made-up name. It's too perfect for it to be natural. Like many other things that occur in the CNMI, this can truly be filed under "O" for "Only In Saipan." If not, Christine has to come from a long line of political dissidents.
While I find her name hilarious, I find the efforts of all of these men and women commendable and wish to recognize those who stood out from their class. Welcome all to The Yapper's Honor Roll.
9th Cycle Fire Academy Valedictorian: Joaquin T. Camacho 9th Cycle Fire Academy Salutatorian: Albert Lee T. Aldan 9th Cycle Fire Academy Most Physically Fit: Robert P. Camacho, Jerome Q. Repeki 9th Cycle Fire Academy Top Firefighter: Robert P. Camacho 9th Cycle Fire Academy Gallantry Award: Linus Mizutani Jr.
Joining the overachievers are Jesse D. Arriola Jr., John C. Babauta, Rodney C. Cabrera, Francisco A. Cruz, Gary S. Cruz, Robert C. Cruz, Lorenzo V. Deleon Guerrero, Alejandro M. King, Ralphael L. Magofna, Richard D. Manalo Jr., Benjamin T. Manglona, Elden M. Sablan and Vincent F. Sablan.
In the words of Department of Public Safety Commissioner Santiago F. Tudela, "Don't ever forget that the badge you wear is a faith entrusted in you as a public servant and that badge is as good as the person who wears it.”
Great honor to all of you and the entire 89-member DPS Firefighter for serving our community.
That's how I describe Renee Simao's Letter to the Editor in the Saipan Tribune. Such sarcasm! Please Renee, come and write for Saipan Fake News!!!
